who ordered the soup...?

so all three of you who read this know i am not from here. no,no, no....not a utah'n at all!! not that i dont love it here, my cabana boy is from here, the mountains are amazing, the snow, the skiing...what more could an outdoor girl ask for? uhhhh...wait, water... there is no water here. no ocean, no deep blue lakes, no rivers...not even a little tiny babbling brook! and dont start in with the "what about pineview?" PINEVIEW?!? please. my driveway back home has more water than pineview, thats not a lake, thats a barbie bath! but this post isnt about utah's lack of water, thats a whole "later in the summer" kind of post. no, this post is about soup. not campbells condensed soup, not progresso healthy choices soup, not even my bff martha stewarts beef and coconut soup with crispy shallots ( recipe to follow, seriously, to DIE for, if you like eating dead animals), no this soup is like no soup i have ever experienced. this soup isnt a comfort food, or a remedy for a cold, no. it doesnt smell warm and toasty, doesnt make a friend feel better, doesnt remind you of chilly afternoons in your mothers cozy kitchen when you were little, no. this soup hovers. it hovers in the air, leaves a film on the windshield, hides the beautiful view of the mountains, even turns the white snow a dingy gray color and worst of all, gunks up my lungs! i cant breath this filth! it makes me cough til my head explodes, and i feel like i have a 350 lb man kneeling on my chest!! (ew....bad mental picture!!) where the hell does this crap come from and how can we get rid of it? it ought to be registered as a weapon of mass destruction! seriously, i have a smokers cough, and i have never even tried smoking!! ughhhhhhhh.......make mine a side salad, no soup for me!!